God Is No Man's Debtor

Last Sunday, Pastor Terry spoke a very straightforward message.

He talked about the verse "God is no man's debtor" (in addition to other things--the overall topic was worship) and how we get mad at God for not rewarding our performances for Him.

How true.

I've been guilty--thinking if I just try harder, do this good deed, read my Bible more (all of those are good things but God is not looking to be bribed into doing things for me!), God will perform for me because I performed for Him.

Last night I was reading from Matthew in The Message. It came with freshness that people who met Jesus simply believed and knew He would respond.

But what about when He says no to you or to me? What about when the answer is "Wait awhile"?

Then what.....

God is no man's debtor. Job said, "Yet though He slay me, I will trust in Him."

God will not slay us. He is the giver of good and perfect gifts. His love is pure and uncontaminated and intended for our very best.

So why do we struggle to see our Father as good when we have to wait? Why do we punish God for not being good enough for us?

Forgive me, Jesus....that is a horrendous sin. I am so easily entrapped. Your ways are higher than mine.

Help me to have the right image of who You are and the way You see me. Help me to become more focused on You as my greatest Gift rather than You as a celestial gift-giver. You are all I need. You are ALL I need. Be my all in all today, I pray.

Silly Goose...not just a phrase!

I heard the funniest true story on CBC radio last night! (Yes, I am a proud CBC listening nerd!)

The program was all about crows. This woman said that her family once enjoyed a stay at Harrison Hot Springs. In the morning, she looked out the hotel room window and saw a kitchen staff throwing out whole slices of bread for a flock of Canada Geese.

Crows literally "seized" the opportunity to confuse the geese. Their strategy was unique--they placed a maple leaf on top of each slice of bread. The geese, according the woman, had such poor memories they could not figure out where the bread went!

This led me to two possible conclusions--one I am more certain of than the other: crows may have their own Mafia and the term "silly goose" is not just a phrase, it's for real! Honk if you agree. :)

Influence

My husband and I were talking tonight about many things...one of them being places to pray.

I grew up in The Salvation Army and their tradition included a bench called The Mercy Seat. This was a place to pray for yourself, to repent, to respond in worship, to pray for others, to reconcile to God and or others.

It was very special and I miss that tradition a lot.

Recently my husband attended the closing ceremonies for Miracle Valley, a beautiful camp his father founded to help men recover from alcoholism and addictions. At that event, someone spoke about Leonard Ravenhill--Leonard had amazing influence. It was said of him that if you entered a room where he was about to minister, you would either flee for the door or head to the Mercy Seat!

The person talking about him also said the Mercy Seat at Miracle Valley was literally wet with tears when he ministered....and I would imagine many other times under the ministry of other great men and women of God, too.

Can you imagine having such a vibrant relationship with God that people sense His presence simply by you being in a room?

It hearkens to the day when Paul's shadow cast healing to those who stood in it. It reminds me of the mentally ill and demonized becoming undone as Jesus walked by to their shouts of "Have mercy on me, Son of David!"

I don't want to have that kind of influence in order to make people feel unglued. But I long for that level of holiness and intimacy with the Father that results in a sense of His very presence emanating from me.

It takes discipline, repentance, devotion, perseverance...oh, God, give me a taste of these things so that I will walk so closely to you. Really what it boils down to is not so much that I want to touch others (but of course, I want that in the healthy sense) as to walk into any place and sense YOUR presence. To know You are present. To not be able to resist Your holiness. To run into Your arms. To cry out to You for Your mercy. To reflect Your love.

Let me know You, Jesus, so that I might mirror Your hope, goodness, mercy and love to others and bring You praise.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Ha ha...I'm not usually a self-congratulatory person (is that a word?) but I do love celebrations!

Birthdays always remind me of a new year...as Anne of Green Gables says, "tomorrow is a clean slate" - a chance to start all over again.

I remember years ago reading Barbara Johnson's story (I think it was called Put a Geranium In Your Hat) and how she decided to celebrate on the first day of every month. She cleaned her fridge and I think maybe her whole house and maybe even her purse...it was a long time ago that I read it but I like the idea (not that I practice it myself but perhaps I should start!)

Birthdays are times to remember...today is my youngest daughter's birthday and tomorrow is mine. My oldest daughter was our Christmas present and my youngest my birthday gift! Pretty good and pretty hard to top!

I'm not that excited to be 48 years old. My husband was teasing me about becoming "mature"...he's older than me, btw! I still feel a lot like I'm a small 12 year old inside my soul--I need to read Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity-You've been a bad friend to me! That shall be one of my new birthday year goals!

But birthdays are also a time to look back and reflect on incredible countless blessings...an awesome family, great friends, happy memories, even some sad ones that helped develop character and wisdom and insight and bring strength to my spiritual life.....laughter, babies coming into our world, the memory of precious ones who have left this world for a better place, music, breakthroughs, adventures, embarrassing moments that later on make for hilarious stories to share....so many wonderful things in this life.

Thank You, God!

Snail's Salad

A few weeks ago, we went camping (that's a whole post in itself--how is it camping when you get to enjoy a Netbook, try out Skype, watch TV --cable TV even! and have running water, a biffy and a shower in your trailer? Sweet!)...

Anyway, already I digress..haha!

Keshia and I went for a walk and we simply took our time, drinking in all the sights and sounds and scurrying of critters. Somehow one of us (I think it was Keshia) noticed a snail on the path. He was eating teeny tiny clovers...I said he was eating the world's smallest salad!

That moment is really staying with me...I wanted to start a blog called Snail Salad...Enjoy the micro-moments of life.

When was the last time I ever slowed down and crouched down to watch a snail eat supper? :)

It was magical for some reason. It was very cool. It was a great reminder...kind of like slow down and smell the roses or wake up and smell the coffee...mmmm!

About a week later I came back to my job only to find it had vanished like the wind. I think that moment was much more of a gift from God than I could have known.

Thank You, Lord, for micro-moments to enjoy and savor and for using a super small snail to grab my attention and remind me of Your blessings!

Beautiful things

green green grass...
sitting at a picnic table reading a good book
with the sun shining brightly
... a cool refreshing breeze
...shade
a bubbling brook
cute puppies
adorable babies
aroma of coffee...ahhhh!
hugs from friends
kisses from hubby
back rubs
FOOT rubs! Yes!
affirmations
waking up praying
waking up!
waking up feeling grateful
So many blessings in life....people, of course!
Thank You, God!

Confessions of a FarmVille Freak

OK, OK, I am an addict. I admit it.

I play FarmVille on Facebook way too much.

I recently got rid of all my buildings. It was kind of fun imagining that the farm experienced a big storm and things got wiped out but then I decided no, it's a commune and Farmer Mim is getting organic and living closer to the earth literally. hee hee

I'm going to start planting crops that don't yield a harvest for 4 days..some time soon.

Ack, letting go! It's not easy even in an imaginary world! If only I can get myself as addicted to writing again as I am to silly old FarmVille!

Reluctantly Unemployed Again

Wow, talk about the circle of life....but sometimes the circle has a squiggly line added :)

I came back to work from vacation only to discover my job packed up, too!! It was a bit of a shock but it's not all bad.

Yes, I feel a bit sad but it's also an amazing opportunity. Like Anne of Green Gables used to say, Tomorrow is a clean slate.

The world is full of possibilities...just hopefully it will offer me a paycheck again soon, too! :)

Unashamed

There's a song we sometimes sing and we did this weekend...it's called Unashamed.

I love the chorus: Because of mercy, Because of Your grace, Although I'm unworthy, I stand here unashamed (I may have the words slightly mixed up...age will do that to the mind ;) )

I've been thinking a lot recently about a friend who years ago had someone important to her family drop by her home unexpectedly. She was embarrassed as the place was untidy. (I used to love going to her house because I knew it wasn't just me! LOL)

But she talked about how that incident and a couple other things impacted her. She declared it wouldn't happen again and made her motto: No Shame!

What a great motto!

What a challenge to fight, though, at least for me. I don't need to wear shame like a favorite pair of comfy jeans but too often I do. The enemy loves to throw things in my face.

But God's mercy, God's grace....God Himself is so much bigger than my faults.

That doesn't mean I should abdicate taking responsibility for myself. There are lots of things I need to work on...but I'm not alone. Praise God! I'm not alone.

Shame feels like a desert island. Like I'm stranded without hope and standing isolated and frozen and hopeless in despair.

But because of mercy, because of grace, because of Jesus, I can shout, Go away, Shame! No Shame!

I hope I can follow my friend's example in improving my housekeeping...she is still doing great as far as I know (she lives far away now) but much more than that, I pray I can day by day, moment by moment, reject shame and reject rejection and move into the wholeness of holiness that God has for me....

And that anyone else who might feel stuck on a deserted island will know you are not alone. We can shift our thinking and find our little islands coming together and forming a supportive community. We are not alone! We are loved!

Let's live unashamed!

Little People Cause Big Grins!

Two cute things have happened at church recently (well, probably tons of cute kid moments but these two made me giggle!):

In Bible study, we were talking about how as Moms (and Christians in general) we influence others whether we know it or not, particularly our kids.

One Mom said this came home to her when after her husband, trying to discipline their little girl who is not quite two and a half yet, came down and said to his wife: Do you know what our 2 year old just said to me??? Wife: No. Husband: She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Honestly, Child!"

Hahahaha! Wonder where she heard that? :)

Then this past weekend, as the kids were leaving Kidz Church, this little boy spoke to me. I noticed on his name badge that he had the "no photos allowed" symbol. We work hard to protect the kids and ask parents' permission about posting pictures on the web or even on the bulletin boards, etc.

So this little guy who looks like he's about 8 or 9 looks up at me as he's leaving and says, You can follow me on Facebook if you want to...you have to go under privacy settings...then he said something else but I couldn't hear for the noise of the room and also for the shock of this small person seeming so adult in his interaction.

Too cute! I love those moments!

Heart Ache

Sometimes I just ache.
I feel sad.
I wish that I didn't hurt other people's feelings.
I worry that I hurt other people's feelings.
I worry that I'm misunderstood.
I worry that I might seem mean or unkind when that's not my intention.
I worry that I'm too selfish.
I know that I am too selfish.
I worry that I know that and don't do enough to change it.

But comfort comes.
There is freedom to make things right.
I can ask forgiveness if I have caused offense.
I can move on.
I can take a risk of rejection and reach out in love.
I can live authentically and transparently so that if I am misunderstood or on those occasions when I really screwed it up big time, I can be approachable enough that people that really love me will confront me and help me make things right with them.

I can get my eyes off my self and do kind things for others.

Today I pray that my eyes will be open to opportunities...
to love
to serve
to reconcile
to pray
to be me and know that it's OK
There is always room to grow
And improve...

Isn't that what this journey called life is all about?

Feeling Thankful

Today is one of those great days.

I can almost feel people praying for me. Not that I am deserving but by God's grace, He has given me people in my life who pray for me. What a gift and privilege that is!

The freshly snow-capped mountains glisten against the blue sky. Mount Baker is clearly visible in all its glory today.

Just one of those days that makes my heart shout Hallelujah--thank You, God!

Jesus' Death- Luke 23:44-49 (NIV)

It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.

The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, "Surely this was a righteous man." When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.

This passage has been on my mind for weeks now.

The centurion praised God....he realized who Jesus truly was at that moment.

All the people gathered to witness the Crucifixion of Jesus grieved and left.

And those who knew him stood at a distance and watched.

It reminds me of when we learned about "tableaus" in school--you know, a scene that depicts the story, kind of a snapshot.

It seems ironic to imagine someone praising God at such a sad moment and yet the centurion realized Jesus truly as the King of the Jews..the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords.

Others were curious and present and sad but needed to step back. Understandable.

And those who knew him stood at a distance and watched.

Who can imagine the grief of Jesus' closest friends and family? Who can fathom the confusion and disappointment they experienced?

But thank God! He rose again. The stone was rolled away. The tomb was empty so that our lives can be full.

The glory of Easter. Jesus, my hope for Heaven!

Homeless "Shelter"?

I've been feeling really sad about this post--I removed the comments but apparently some thought I was making fun of homeless people. That was absolutely NOT my intention. Homelessness to me is a complex, confusing and sometimes overwhelming issue.

I didn't think it was funny at all that this man had cardboard to protect him--I admired his resourcefulness but felt very sad when I realized that's why he had it.

I apologize if I have offended anyone by writing this...it was intended to be a reflection on the harsh reality of life but the amazing resilience--people are so inspirational--they find ways to overcome the worst things and that is not amusing to me, at all...indeed it is amazing.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to find a way to eradicate homelessness? Sometimes I wonder if there is some solution we are all overlooking but I know the issues go much deeper. I knew a woman years ago who chose to sleep outdoors because of a horrible trauma that happened in her home--she felt safer outdoors because there people could at least keep an eye on her.

Please don't interpret this post as facetious--that is not at all the intent. Thanks.

About a week ago, I was on the bus on my way home from work. It was a rainy sort of West Coast day.

I noticed a dirty scruffy man sitting in the priority seating for older folk, the disabled and moms with strollers area. He had two thin cardboard boxes flattened down and duct taped together.

Silly me--at first I thought maybe he had a treasured piece of art. Then I looked at him again and thought, Um, where would he hang the picture if so?!

Then it hit me. That was probably his "homeless shelter" for the night. The cardboard was indeed a treasure. It was large enough and if there were actually four pieces and not the two I could see, he could make a "decent" lean-to.

I felt both sad and impressed. Sad for my homeless friend but impressed at his resourcefulness.

I have so much and can be too quick to complain. Sometimes our "wealth" (even though it doesn't always feel like wealth) blinds us to the need for stealth, strategy and survival modes employed by our homeless friends.

This post isn't about their choices but one man's ingenuity to make the best of one more hopeless day...at least he had the hope of a bit of cover for one night. Wow. A thin flattened-out cardboard box that weighs nothing but speaks volumes.....

Hide & Seek

Last week, I listened to "It's A New Day"--a neat Canadian show that features all types of guests sharing their faith journey.

The guest on this particular day was named Mike Shreve. He said something that captured my imagination.

He talked about how sometimes it feels to us like God is playing Hide & Seek. Hmm. That sounds very accurate!

He said during those times, it is not that God is hiding so much as He is wanting us to seek Him.

I thought about that. If I re-frame my attitude during such times, things would feel a lot safer...more secure...maybe even almost fun! Not that suffering (or what I dare to call suffering, which often pales in comparison to true trouble) is fun but to think that I have a Father who wants me to pursue Him the way He pursues me.

God is waiting for me to say, Abba, Father (Daddy), where are You? I need You.

God is ready to say, Here I am. Let's play! Let Me show you a better way than worrying. Let Me show you that I have it all under control. It's going to be fine. I'm here. I was just hiding but I am really here, even when you don't think you can see me. Even when you don't hear me. If you get real quiet, you might even hear Me whispering your name.

I'm checking to see if you are listening.

Wow! Discouraging days could actually be play days. Not that trials and tribulations are "fun and games" or that God minimizes my struggles...NO, just the opposite. He encourages me to smile through the tears and come to Him for comfort. To run to my Father's arms and discover..hey, His arms are really here, really holding me up and strengthening me...my weakness fades as my delight in Him fills my heart once again.

God Provides...Even Scorching Winds!

Pastor David's sermon on Jonah gave me some new food for thought (not seaweed!)

God provides.

Yep, agree with that. No problem.

God provided Jonah with resources to run. Hmmm. God didn't tell him to run but Jonah had $ to board the S. S. Escape headed for Tarshish, headed NWN (NoWhere Near) to Nineveh!

God provided an opportunity for Jonah to share his faith with the sailors. God provided grace for those sailors, despite Jonah's confession of his obsession of anger that the folk in Nineveh might make a profession of faith. Ironically, his admission led to the crew choosing to anchor their faith in the God of all Heaven and creation, Yahweh!

God provided a whale to "save" Jonah and give him "shelter" so he wouldn't die. Now that is just weird! But it worked.

God provided a second chance for Jonah to get his kelpy scalp to Nineveh.

God provided a spirit of repentance...well, maybe--I guess the people of the city chose to repent...not sure how to interpret it theologically but the Ninevites responded in repentance (God won't force anyone to repent). What an incredible miracle--everyone from the least to the King (and Pastor pointed out even the animals had to fast and wear sackcloth!) honoured God!

God provided unlimited patience of His own toward Jonah the jerk!

God provided a vine to give him shade.

Then God "provided" a scorching east wind to dry up the vine.

God provided a rebuke: Do you have a right to be angry? (Jonah amazingly dares to admit he does--at least in his mind!)

Usually we think about God's provision in a positive light. One of my favorite hymns says: He giveth and giveth and giveth again. He is abundant and generous and surprising in His care for us.

But I can think of times when God has provided a scorching east wind to try to get my attention, too. Those are not such great experiences. I don't like being confronted about my sin. How insulting! Ugh. How insulting for me to realize I am a sinner like everyone else and make my mistakes like anyone else, too.

But how incredible that my God loves me so much that He will send that scorching wind to get me back on track. He's not interested in my "falling" into the belly of a whale and being puked out covered in seaweed, messages in bottles and whatever other odd stomach contents might come with me out of a whale's mouth.

But He doesn't want me to waste time with stinking thinking (to borrow an AA term). He wants my obedience. My willingness to take a risk. To prove His graciousness abounds. To prove His compassion is beyond fathom!

God provides a scorching east wind at times. And that can actually lead to blessing.

The times when it seemed the heavens were brass and my prayers only ricocheting to nowhere were just that..something that seemed to be one way but God provided the answer I needed, even if I didn't like it. He provides what I need. What He needs to get my attention and to request my obedience.

All this is to inspire service to Him and others. It's not even about me ultimately. It's about Jesus and giving Him glory and honouring Him. It's about running into His arms but not staying there--then running to others and encouraging them to realize God provides. It may be in His own very unique way.

But God provides!

Happy New Year!

2010!

Likely more than 2010 changes have happened in this last decade!

Usually my year end reflections are mostly happy but for 2009, I felt a sense of disappointment. I felt like it was the year of too much wasted time for me personally.

My husband pointed out it was more a year of huge adjustment. We started out living in a (very nice and affordable but still) basement suite with horrible parking in horrible weather and a loooong commute to work for me. We moved to a lovely home mid-July which is one of the highlights of '09 for our family.

We had big expectations in many ways and as always, God surpasses those expectations with amazing blessings.

But still I feel like I have not been a good steward of personal time.

My hope for myself for 2010 is to make things right this year...to make things count (NO, I do not want a career change to accounting LOL)....to make a difference...to show more love, to reach out more, take more risks, lose LOTS of weight (cough, cough, no really!!!) and write, write, write!!

Make it right.
Make it count.
Make a difference.

Sounds a bit cliche but that's not the important thing...the important thing is to pursue life and love and God with a passion like never before.

I pray and hope that on December 31, 2010, I will celebrate fewer regrets and true accomplishments that make life better for others and me, too!