Sometimes I just ache.
I feel sad.
I wish that I didn't hurt other people's feelings.
I worry that I hurt other people's feelings.
I worry that I'm misunderstood.
I worry that I might seem mean or unkind when that's not my intention.
I worry that I'm too selfish.
I know that I am too selfish.
I worry that I know that and don't do enough to change it.
But comfort comes.
There is freedom to make things right.
I can ask forgiveness if I have caused offense.
I can move on.
I can take a risk of rejection and reach out in love.
I can live authentically and transparently so that if I am misunderstood or on those occasions when I really screwed it up big time, I can be approachable enough that people that really love me will confront me and help me make things right with them.
I can get my eyes off my self and do kind things for others.
Today I pray that my eyes will be open to opportunities...
to love
to serve
to reconcile
to pray
to be me and know that it's OK
There is always room to grow
And improve...
Isn't that what this journey called life is all about?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Feeling Thankful
Today is one of those great days.
I can almost feel people praying for me. Not that I am deserving but by God's grace, He has given me people in my life who pray for me. What a gift and privilege that is!
The freshly snow-capped mountains glisten against the blue sky. Mount Baker is clearly visible in all its glory today.
Just one of those days that makes my heart shout Hallelujah--thank You, God!
I can almost feel people praying for me. Not that I am deserving but by God's grace, He has given me people in my life who pray for me. What a gift and privilege that is!
The freshly snow-capped mountains glisten against the blue sky. Mount Baker is clearly visible in all its glory today.
Just one of those days that makes my heart shout Hallelujah--thank You, God!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Jesus' Death- Luke 23:44-49 (NIV)
It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last. The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, "Surely this was a righteous man." When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.
This passage has been on my mind for weeks now.
The centurion praised God....he realized who Jesus truly was at that moment.
All the people gathered to witness the Crucifixion of Jesus grieved and left.
And those who knew him stood at a distance and watched.
It reminds me of when we learned about "tableaus" in school--you know, a scene that depicts the story, kind of a snapshot.
It seems ironic to imagine someone praising God at such a sad moment and yet the centurion realized Jesus truly as the King of the Jews..the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords.
Others were curious and present and sad but needed to step back. Understandable.
And those who knew him stood at a distance and watched.
Who can imagine the grief of Jesus' closest friends and family? Who can fathom the confusion and disappointment they experienced?
But thank God! He rose again. The stone was rolled away. The tomb was empty so that our lives can be full.
The glory of Easter. Jesus, my hope for Heaven!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Homeless "Shelter"?
I've been feeling really sad about this post--I removed the comments but apparently some thought I was making fun of homeless people. That was absolutely NOT my intention. Homelessness to me is a complex, confusing and sometimes overwhelming issue.
I didn't think it was funny at all that this man had cardboard to protect him--I admired his resourcefulness but felt very sad when I realized that's why he had it.
I apologize if I have offended anyone by writing this...it was intended to be a reflection on the harsh reality of life but the amazing resilience--people are so inspirational--they find ways to overcome the worst things and that is not amusing to me, at all...indeed it is amazing.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to find a way to eradicate homelessness? Sometimes I wonder if there is some solution we are all overlooking but I know the issues go much deeper. I knew a woman years ago who chose to sleep outdoors because of a horrible trauma that happened in her home--she felt safer outdoors because there people could at least keep an eye on her.
Please don't interpret this post as facetious--that is not at all the intent. Thanks.
About a week ago, I was on the bus on my way home from work. It was a rainy sort of West Coast day.
I noticed a dirty scruffy man sitting in the priority seating for older folk, the disabled and moms with strollers area. He had two thin cardboard boxes flattened down and duct taped together.
Silly me--at first I thought maybe he had a treasured piece of art. Then I looked at him again and thought, Um, where would he hang the picture if so?!
Then it hit me. That was probably his "homeless shelter" for the night. The cardboard was indeed a treasure. It was large enough and if there were actually four pieces and not the two I could see, he could make a "decent" lean-to.
I felt both sad and impressed. Sad for my homeless friend but impressed at his resourcefulness.
I have so much and can be too quick to complain. Sometimes our "wealth" (even though it doesn't always feel like wealth) blinds us to the need for stealth, strategy and survival modes employed by our homeless friends.
This post isn't about their choices but one man's ingenuity to make the best of one more hopeless day...at least he had the hope of a bit of cover for one night. Wow. A thin flattened-out cardboard box that weighs nothing but speaks volumes.....
I didn't think it was funny at all that this man had cardboard to protect him--I admired his resourcefulness but felt very sad when I realized that's why he had it.
I apologize if I have offended anyone by writing this...it was intended to be a reflection on the harsh reality of life but the amazing resilience--people are so inspirational--they find ways to overcome the worst things and that is not amusing to me, at all...indeed it is amazing.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to find a way to eradicate homelessness? Sometimes I wonder if there is some solution we are all overlooking but I know the issues go much deeper. I knew a woman years ago who chose to sleep outdoors because of a horrible trauma that happened in her home--she felt safer outdoors because there people could at least keep an eye on her.
Please don't interpret this post as facetious--that is not at all the intent. Thanks.
About a week ago, I was on the bus on my way home from work. It was a rainy sort of West Coast day.
I noticed a dirty scruffy man sitting in the priority seating for older folk, the disabled and moms with strollers area. He had two thin cardboard boxes flattened down and duct taped together.
Silly me--at first I thought maybe he had a treasured piece of art. Then I looked at him again and thought, Um, where would he hang the picture if so?!
Then it hit me. That was probably his "homeless shelter" for the night. The cardboard was indeed a treasure. It was large enough and if there were actually four pieces and not the two I could see, he could make a "decent" lean-to.
I felt both sad and impressed. Sad for my homeless friend but impressed at his resourcefulness.
I have so much and can be too quick to complain. Sometimes our "wealth" (even though it doesn't always feel like wealth) blinds us to the need for stealth, strategy and survival modes employed by our homeless friends.
This post isn't about their choices but one man's ingenuity to make the best of one more hopeless day...at least he had the hope of a bit of cover for one night. Wow. A thin flattened-out cardboard box that weighs nothing but speaks volumes.....
Monday, February 1, 2010
Hide & Seek
Last week, I listened to "It's A New Day"--a neat Canadian show that features all types of guests sharing their faith journey.
The guest on this particular day was named Mike Shreve. He said something that captured my imagination.
He talked about how sometimes it feels to us like God is playing Hide & Seek. Hmm. That sounds very accurate!
He said during those times, it is not that God is hiding so much as He is wanting us to seek Him.
I thought about that. If I re-frame my attitude during such times, things would feel a lot safer...more secure...maybe even almost fun! Not that suffering (or what I dare to call suffering, which often pales in comparison to true trouble) is fun but to think that I have a Father who wants me to pursue Him the way He pursues me.
God is waiting for me to say, Abba, Father (Daddy), where are You? I need You.
God is ready to say, Here I am. Let's play! Let Me show you a better way than worrying. Let Me show you that I have it all under control. It's going to be fine. I'm here. I was just hiding but I am really here, even when you don't think you can see me. Even when you don't hear me. If you get real quiet, you might even hear Me whispering your name.
I'm checking to see if you are listening.
Wow! Discouraging days could actually be play days. Not that trials and tribulations are "fun and games" or that God minimizes my struggles...NO, just the opposite. He encourages me to smile through the tears and come to Him for comfort. To run to my Father's arms and discover..hey, His arms are really here, really holding me up and strengthening me...my weakness fades as my delight in Him fills my heart once again.
The guest on this particular day was named Mike Shreve. He said something that captured my imagination.
He talked about how sometimes it feels to us like God is playing Hide & Seek. Hmm. That sounds very accurate!
He said during those times, it is not that God is hiding so much as He is wanting us to seek Him.
I thought about that. If I re-frame my attitude during such times, things would feel a lot safer...more secure...maybe even almost fun! Not that suffering (or what I dare to call suffering, which often pales in comparison to true trouble) is fun but to think that I have a Father who wants me to pursue Him the way He pursues me.
God is waiting for me to say, Abba, Father (Daddy), where are You? I need You.
God is ready to say, Here I am. Let's play! Let Me show you a better way than worrying. Let Me show you that I have it all under control. It's going to be fine. I'm here. I was just hiding but I am really here, even when you don't think you can see me. Even when you don't hear me. If you get real quiet, you might even hear Me whispering your name.
I'm checking to see if you are listening.
Wow! Discouraging days could actually be play days. Not that trials and tribulations are "fun and games" or that God minimizes my struggles...NO, just the opposite. He encourages me to smile through the tears and come to Him for comfort. To run to my Father's arms and discover..hey, His arms are really here, really holding me up and strengthening me...my weakness fades as my delight in Him fills my heart once again.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
God Provides...Even Scorching Winds!
Pastor David's sermon on Jonah gave me some new food for thought (not seaweed!)
God provides.
Yep, agree with that. No problem.
God provided Jonah with resources to run. Hmmm. God didn't tell him to run but Jonah had $ to board the S. S. Escape headed for Tarshish, headed NWN (NoWhere Near) to Nineveh!
God provided an opportunity for Jonah to share his faith with the sailors. God provided grace for those sailors, despite Jonah's confession of his obsession of anger that the folk in Nineveh might make a profession of faith. Ironically, his admission led to the crew choosing to anchor their faith in the God of all Heaven and creation, Yahweh!
God provided a whale to "save" Jonah and give him "shelter" so he wouldn't die. Now that is just weird! But it worked.
God provided a second chance for Jonah to get his kelpy scalp to Nineveh.
God provided a spirit of repentance...well, maybe--I guess the people of the city chose to repent...not sure how to interpret it theologically but the Ninevites responded in repentance (God won't force anyone to repent). What an incredible miracle--everyone from the least to the King (and Pastor pointed out even the animals had to fast and wear sackcloth!) honoured God!
God provided unlimited patience of His own toward Jonah the jerk!
God provided a vine to give him shade.
Then God "provided" a scorching east wind to dry up the vine.
God provided a rebuke: Do you have a right to be angry? (Jonah amazingly dares to admit he does--at least in his mind!)
Usually we think about God's provision in a positive light. One of my favorite hymns says: He giveth and giveth and giveth again. He is abundant and generous and surprising in His care for us.
But I can think of times when God has provided a scorching east wind to try to get my attention, too. Those are not such great experiences. I don't like being confronted about my sin. How insulting! Ugh. How insulting for me to realize I am a sinner like everyone else and make my mistakes like anyone else, too.
But how incredible that my God loves me so much that He will send that scorching wind to get me back on track. He's not interested in my "falling" into the belly of a whale and being puked out covered in seaweed, messages in bottles and whatever other odd stomach contents might come with me out of a whale's mouth.
But He doesn't want me to waste time with stinking thinking (to borrow an AA term). He wants my obedience. My willingness to take a risk. To prove His graciousness abounds. To prove His compassion is beyond fathom!
God provides a scorching east wind at times. And that can actually lead to blessing.
The times when it seemed the heavens were brass and my prayers only ricocheting to nowhere were just that..something that seemed to be one way but God provided the answer I needed, even if I didn't like it. He provides what I need. What He needs to get my attention and to request my obedience.
All this is to inspire service to Him and others. It's not even about me ultimately. It's about Jesus and giving Him glory and honouring Him. It's about running into His arms but not staying there--then running to others and encouraging them to realize God provides. It may be in His own very unique way.
But God provides!
God provides.
Yep, agree with that. No problem.
God provided Jonah with resources to run. Hmmm. God didn't tell him to run but Jonah had $ to board the S. S. Escape headed for Tarshish, headed NWN (NoWhere Near) to Nineveh!
God provided an opportunity for Jonah to share his faith with the sailors. God provided grace for those sailors, despite Jonah's confession of his obsession of anger that the folk in Nineveh might make a profession of faith. Ironically, his admission led to the crew choosing to anchor their faith in the God of all Heaven and creation, Yahweh!
God provided a whale to "save" Jonah and give him "shelter" so he wouldn't die. Now that is just weird! But it worked.
God provided a second chance for Jonah to get his kelpy scalp to Nineveh.
God provided a spirit of repentance...well, maybe--I guess the people of the city chose to repent...not sure how to interpret it theologically but the Ninevites responded in repentance (God won't force anyone to repent). What an incredible miracle--everyone from the least to the King (and Pastor pointed out even the animals had to fast and wear sackcloth!) honoured God!
God provided unlimited patience of His own toward Jonah the jerk!
God provided a vine to give him shade.
Then God "provided" a scorching east wind to dry up the vine.
God provided a rebuke: Do you have a right to be angry? (Jonah amazingly dares to admit he does--at least in his mind!)
Usually we think about God's provision in a positive light. One of my favorite hymns says: He giveth and giveth and giveth again. He is abundant and generous and surprising in His care for us.
But I can think of times when God has provided a scorching east wind to try to get my attention, too. Those are not such great experiences. I don't like being confronted about my sin. How insulting! Ugh. How insulting for me to realize I am a sinner like everyone else and make my mistakes like anyone else, too.
But how incredible that my God loves me so much that He will send that scorching wind to get me back on track. He's not interested in my "falling" into the belly of a whale and being puked out covered in seaweed, messages in bottles and whatever other odd stomach contents might come with me out of a whale's mouth.
But He doesn't want me to waste time with stinking thinking (to borrow an AA term). He wants my obedience. My willingness to take a risk. To prove His graciousness abounds. To prove His compassion is beyond fathom!
God provides a scorching east wind at times. And that can actually lead to blessing.
The times when it seemed the heavens were brass and my prayers only ricocheting to nowhere were just that..something that seemed to be one way but God provided the answer I needed, even if I didn't like it. He provides what I need. What He needs to get my attention and to request my obedience.
All this is to inspire service to Him and others. It's not even about me ultimately. It's about Jesus and giving Him glory and honouring Him. It's about running into His arms but not staying there--then running to others and encouraging them to realize God provides. It may be in His own very unique way.
But God provides!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
2010!
Likely more than 2010 changes have happened in this last decade!
Usually my year end reflections are mostly happy but for 2009, I felt a sense of disappointment. I felt like it was the year of too much wasted time for me personally.
My husband pointed out it was more a year of huge adjustment. We started out living in a (very nice and affordable but still) basement suite with horrible parking in horrible weather and a loooong commute to work for me. We moved to a lovely home mid-July which is one of the highlights of '09 for our family.
We had big expectations in many ways and as always, God surpasses those expectations with amazing blessings.
But still I feel like I have not been a good steward of personal time.
My hope for myself for 2010 is to make things right this year...to make things count (NO, I do not want a career change to accounting LOL)....to make a difference...to show more love, to reach out more, take more risks, lose LOTS of weight (cough, cough, no really!!!) and write, write, write!!
Make it right.
Make it count.
Make a difference.
Sounds a bit cliche but that's not the important thing...the important thing is to pursue life and love and God with a passion like never before.
I pray and hope that on December 31, 2010, I will celebrate fewer regrets and true accomplishments that make life better for others and me, too!
Likely more than 2010 changes have happened in this last decade!
Usually my year end reflections are mostly happy but for 2009, I felt a sense of disappointment. I felt like it was the year of too much wasted time for me personally.
My husband pointed out it was more a year of huge adjustment. We started out living in a (very nice and affordable but still) basement suite with horrible parking in horrible weather and a loooong commute to work for me. We moved to a lovely home mid-July which is one of the highlights of '09 for our family.
We had big expectations in many ways and as always, God surpasses those expectations with amazing blessings.
But still I feel like I have not been a good steward of personal time.
My hope for myself for 2010 is to make things right this year...to make things count (NO, I do not want a career change to accounting LOL)....to make a difference...to show more love, to reach out more, take more risks, lose LOTS of weight (cough, cough, no really!!!) and write, write, write!!
Make it right.
Make it count.
Make a difference.
Sounds a bit cliche but that's not the important thing...the important thing is to pursue life and love and God with a passion like never before.
I pray and hope that on December 31, 2010, I will celebrate fewer regrets and true accomplishments that make life better for others and me, too!
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